4 Relationship Tips for the Holidays順利渡過佳節期間的四個人際關係竅門
How to manage personal relationships during the
holiday season.
如何在充滿假期的季節好好處理人際關係
2016/12/16
到了年節假期總是令人興奮，假期被美食、禮物與所愛的人填得滿滿的，但大多數的人也有不少人際關係的挑戰。很幸運地，這裡有一些在平時可和身旁夥伴們愉快相處的竅門和攻略，在歲末節慶時也能派上用場。事實上，這些類似的社交技巧可以讓你和原生家庭親戚、姻親甚至古怪的親戚都順利相處。如果準備要和所愛的人共度假期，記得下面的竅門吧。
The holidays are an exciting time, filled with food, presents, and loved ones. For many of us, however, there are also some relationship challenges as well. Fortunately, the tips and strategies that we use to help keep our dates and mates happy throughout the year, can also work to get us through the holidays. In fact, those same social skills may work to smooth things over with the in-laws, out-laws, and cranky relatives too. Therefore, as you head into the holidays with loved ones, keep the following tips in mind.
維持真心關懷彼此的對話
我們大部分的人都喜歡在節慶時與他人有正向的互動，但有時我們卻因為聚會中有人與持著政治意見、拒人千里的親戚進入無止盡的爭論而沉默不語。不管怎樣，良性的對話與建立和睦關係，需要真誠、同理與溫情三者達到平衡。所以，試著參與對話、分享自己的感覺，並保持開放的心態，接受他人觀點。
如果你覺得困難，試著開放心胸、對身邊他人生活中即將發生的事情有好奇的態度。這樣的心態可使你不至於過於焦慮、擔心他人如何評價你，或對他們有過多的批判。再次造訪有用的溝通技巧網頁，使用以「我」之類開頭的陳述、感謝他人、用熱情訴說故事，並鼓勵旁人聊聊自己。只要有一些今年有趣的故事可以聊、並對他人的生活維持好奇心，你在節慶的團聚就有了更萬全的準備。
Keep Conversations Genuine and Caring
Most of us would like to have positive interactions with others during the holidays. Nevertheless, some of us end up being silent at parties, while others get into endless arguments with that politically-opinionated distant relative. Good conversation and rapport-building, however, requires a balance between being genuine, empathetic, and warm. So, try to engage others and share your feelings, but be open and accepting of their perspectives too.
If you find that difficult, try to simply be open and curious about what others have going on in their lives. This mindset will keep you from becoming too anxious and worried about how they are evaluating you, or too judgmental about them as well. Revisit some helpful communication techniques too, such as using "I" statements, showing appreciation for others, telling stories with enthusiasm, and encouraging others to talk about themselves. Between having a few good stories to tell about the year and being curious about the lives of others, you will be better prepared to enjoy any holiday get together.
避免操縱
所有的社交關係都是某些性質的交換。然而在佳節期間，這些交易變為非常實用的形式，像是許多禮物、恩典與承諾。這些表示可以是情感與感謝的美好象徵，但也可能成為操縱。
特別是當我們面對佳節的交換時，有一些操縱的策略需要避免。即使在當下有安撫效果，也別做出與他人有關，但當事者或他人都無法達到的承諾；尊重自己的需求，並與這類人劃出界限－從你這兒得到太多卻沒有回報的人。同時，拒絕帶有「附加條件」或讓你感到不舒服的禮物，這會使你的假期更為輕鬆，而非帶著罪惡感與壓力度過。
Avoid Manipulation
All social relationships are exchanges of some kind. During the holidays, however, these trades take on a very practical form with various presents, favors, and promises. These gestures can be wonderful signs of affection and gratitude, but they can also be manipulative as well.
Specifically, when dealing with holiday exchanges, there are a few manipulative tactics to avoid. Try not to make promises with others that you or they will not keep, even if it pacifies them in the moment. Set boundaries with those who take too much from you without reciprocating and be respectful with your requests too. Also, feel free to refuse a gift with "strings attached," or a gift that makes you uncomfortable. That will go a long way toward making your holidays more free from guilt and stress.
調停與原諒
每天都充斥著許多人的假期，情緒容易高漲。有時候，儘管我們企圖表現出對話與交換得最好的一面，一些舊的徵兆仍會接腫而生。在這樣的狀況之下，人們可能會沉溺於一些節日的義憤，而懲罰並不能解決任何問題。
相反地，試著舒緩爭論並在合適的時間點原諒他人。當人們爭執時，試著了解別人的觀點，聚焦在使關係中的各觀點都滿意，提供多一些的正向建議讓爭執的兩方都能共處。如果他們覺得很受傷，婉轉地分享你的感覺，告訴他們可以如何重建關係。雖然這不能解決每個問題，然而對人際關係維持正向的、具有生產力的與健康面向的思考，可以讓你在可行的時候重新建立各項工作。
Reconcile and Forgive
With everyone crammed together for the holidays, emotions can run high. Sometimes, despite our best attempts at conversation and exchange, old slights and issues can be brought up again. While it may be tempting to indulge in a bit of holiday righteous anger in such situations, punishment is not going to solve anything.
Instead, try to diffuse arguments and forgive others when appropriate. When arguing, try to acknowledge the other person's point of view, focus on satisfying aspects of the relationship, and suggest more positive ways that you both can get along. If they have been particularly hurtful, then tactfully share your feelings and let them know how they can help to rebuild the relationship. Although this will not solve every issue, staying focused on the positive, productive, and healthy aspects of the relationship will help to rebuild things when possible.
記得、獎賞與感謝
最後也是最重要的，這是整個年度的分享時刻，表達人們對我的意義，並感謝他們的努力。從實際的面向來看，這代表我們透過給予適合的禮物來表示感謝與情感。於是，下面要介紹簡單的挑選禮物訣竅來助你一臂之力－聚焦於對方真正需要的或想要的，並準備一些「額外的」禮物以提供給不期而遇的客人。
在心理學的層面，禮物也可以是鼓勵他人表現的的獎賞。雖然我們大人沒有那麼在意聖誕老人的頑皮名單，節慶收到的禮物對我們還是有影響。所以，挑選禮物來展現你對他人的感謝。祝福各位佳節愉快、在來年有滿意的人際關係！
Remember, Reward and Appreciate
Finally (and most importantly), this is the time of year to share with others, acknowledge what they mean to us, and be grateful for their efforts. On a practical level, this means showing our appreciation and sentiment through giving just the right gift. Therefore, following simple gift-giving tips can help in that endeavor—such as paying attention to what other people really need and want, and having a few "extra" gifts on hand for unexpected guests.
On a more psychological level, gifts also serve as rewards that encourage the behavior of others too. Although we adults are not so worried about Santa's naughty list, holiday gifts still have an impact on us. Therefore, pick gifts that show your appreciation for others—and communicate your gratitude as well.
I hope you all have very happy holidays and satisfying relationships in the new year!
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