「我不夠勇敢」之節錄
離開愛侶、離職、對傳統格言提出質疑、看醫生
Part of "I’m Not Brave Enough"
Leaving a lover, quitting a job, questioning conventional wisdom,
seeing a doc
Jun 13, 2020
Have you ever felt that you should do something but can’t muster the
courage? Perhaps these composite letters from the fearful and my responses
might be helpful.
你是否曾經覺得應該做某事但沒辦法鼓起勇氣？也許這些來自恐懼的文字組合與我的回應能夠有幫助。
Dear Dr. Nemko: I hate my job and my boss but with 44 million people
having lost their job because of the COVID shutdown and more losses likely,
especially if, as predicted, a second wave hits, I’m scared to quit. How do I
muster the courage?
親愛的內畂軻博士：我討厭我的工作跟老闆，但新冠肺炎肆虐，景氣蕭條，四千四百萬人失業了，要是第二波影響如預測來襲，我就不敢離職了。我該怎麼鼓起勇氣呢？
My response: Whether you should quit depends on your viability in
today’s job market for a job you’d likely find better. Unless you’re quite sure
you can land a better job even in this job market, it’s normally wise to stay
put but put out confidential feelers and even job applications to assess your
viability. If your queries yield significant interest, that can make it easier
to endure your job for a little while longer—There’s light at the end of the
tunnel. If your queries are met with indifference, then before quitting, see if
there are ways to tweak your current job to make it more acceptable, for
example: Renegotiate your job description to accentuate your strengths and
skirt your weaknesses, try to get to report to a different boss, change your
attitude or upgrade your skills.
我的回應：該不該辭職，應視你是否具備在當今就業市場找到更好工作的專業能力。除非你非常肯定可以找到更好的工作，維持現職但私底下探聽，甚至投履歷來試水溫、確認市場價值較為明智。若你的探詢引起了他人興趣，將能延長你的工作生涯，就像看到了隧道盡頭的光亮一般。如果探詢的結果不如預期，在辭職前，看看有什麼方式能夠扭轉目前的工作，讓自己接受。例如，以著重個人特長、減少劣勢影響為重點來協商工作內容，試著申請轉換一線主管，調整個人的態度或加強個人技能。
Dear Dr. Nemko: I've broken up with my boyfriend three times but, in moments of weakness, I tiptoe back. Even though he loves me and he’s a good guy, he’s just not right for me. But I can’t stay with the program when I’m feeling lonely or insecure. How can I develop the courage?
親愛的內畂軻博士：我和男友分手三次，但我在軟弱的時刻又回頭找他了。雖然他愛我，也是個好人，但他就不是那個對的人。當我覺得孤單或沒有安全感的時候，我就很難把持住。我該如何建立勇氣呢？
My response: In those times of weakness, might it help to consider whether you’re hurting this man you say is a good guy? After all, you say he loves you, so is it possible that, as long as he thinks you might come back, he can’t open his heart to someone else? And each time you temporarily return, it renews his hope?
我的回應：也許，經歷軟弱時刻的你，有助於釐清你是否傷害這位你口中的好人？畢竟，你說他愛你，只要覺得你願意回頭，他也許沒辦法對其他人敞開心房？反覆很快地回到他身邊，也助長了他的希望？
It’s hard to sustain a breakup, no matter how appropriate it is. Maybe the best you can do is be crisp: In a moment of strength, have you told him crisply but with tact that you really are ending it? For example,
不管多麼適合自己，人們很難維持分手的狀態。也許表達友善是你最好的選擇，你是否曾在有餘力時，妥善且圓滑地告訴他這一切都已經結束了？例如：
Dave, I have loved you and I so appreciate that you love me. But as we’ve discussed, it’s clear that I need to move on. To avoid my weakening again thereby stringing you along, this time, I need to make our break-up clean and permanent. Although I of course will always have lovely memories of our relationship, I can move forward and maybe you too, only if I promise myself and you that I won’t respond to any more of your emails, texts, or phone calls. I honestly believe that, in the long run, this will be best for both of us so we can each find a relationship in which the love is fully reciprocal.
戴夫，我曾經愛過你，我也感激你愛過我。但如同我們所討論過的，很顯然我必須要前進了。為了避免我再次軟弱又跟著你相好，這一次，我必須要分的乾淨而且長久。儘管我們過去的關係理所當然地留下了美好的回憶，我可以向前走，你也可以。不過我要向我們承諾，我不會再回覆任何你的電子郵件、訊息和來電。我誠懇地相信，長期而言，這對我們來說都是最好的，而且我們都能找到一個互惠的感情關係。
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