2021/08/01

[心理] 體操好手拜爾絲 (Simone Biles) 傳授給成功者什麼?

What Simone Biles Is Teaching High Achievers
體操好手拜爾絲 (Simone Biles) 傳授給成功者什麼?

Why self-care is the new gold standard for career success.

為什麼自我照顧 (註1) 是成功職業生涯的全新奪冠標準

July 31, 2021

Sheila Robinson-Kiss MSW, LCSW


KEY POINTS

Rates of anxiety are elevated among high achievers because they view their success as a personal obligation.

The more you desire to achieve in this lifetime, the more meaningful and consistent your self-care plan should be. 

According to the National Institute of Mental Health 19 percent of adults in America struggle with anxiety.


關鍵

高度成就達成者因為視成功為個人的責任與義務而更感到焦慮。

在此生中愈渴望達成某些目標,個人的自我照顧計畫愈發有意義以及符合個人需求。

根據美國國家心裡衛生研究院,百分之十九的美國成年人口飽受焦慮所苦。


Extraordinary human beings—whether they are athletes, architects, or incredible mothers—are to our lives what an Alfa Romeo is to the open road: Near perfection. We admire them and would probably worship them, were it not for the inevitable reminders that they too are human.


卓越的人們-不論是運動員、建築師,或是傑出的媽媽,對於我們的生活,近乎完美,如同愛快羅密歐之於廣闊的道路。他們受到大家的景仰與欽佩、甚至可能被過度神化,然而不可避免的要提醒,他們也是人。


However undetectable their frailties are, we need high achievers in this world. They set the tall bars we strive to clear and give the mediocre among us something to aspire to. Fantasizing that I could somehow replicate Martha Stewart’s holiday marzipan nativity scene, is the reason I stuck with creative cooking long enough to master baking mini summer lemon cakes.


這個世界需要高成就者,但他們的弱點與缺陷卻不容易被察覺。他們樹立了高聳的障礙讓我們奮力去通過,並給予我們這些平庸者一些嚮往。想像一下,我掌握烤製小型夏季檸檬蛋糕的原因,是我長期聚焦在創意烹飪法,且不知為何能夠完全複製瑪莎·史都華 (Martha Stewart) 以杏仁膏製作的聖誕節耶穌誕生場景


Simone Biles is awe-inspiring because almost no one in the world can nail an aerial twist the way she can. We expected her to dazzle us at the Olympics this summer. She expected to deliver. I suspect no one is tougher on a world-class athlete like Simone Biles than herself. It takes a different kind of courage to withdraw from a competition you’ve been preparing for most of your life. Walking away from a shot at a gold medal takes guts. She deserves our collective compassion and respect for what she's going through and what she's teaching us.


拜爾絲之所以令人敬畏,是因為沒有人能做出像她一樣的側空轉體 (aerial twist)。大眾期待她在今年夏天的奧運驚嘆世人,人們期待她的表現。我認為世界級的運動員中沒有人比她更難熬。將自己從準備了大半生的比賽抽離,需要另一種勇氣,而放棄奪金需要膽識。由於這些經歷與她傳授給我們的種種,她值得這個社會集體的同情與尊重。 


The lesson that Biles is illuminating for high achievers around the world is: give yourself permission to be human every day and the cost of being super-human, occasionally, will not become too high of a price to pay.


拜爾絲帶來的啟發,給全世界高成就者帶來一課,每天都允許自己當個人,這樣一來,偶爾成為超人類 (super-human) 的代價也不會太高。


Self-care requires acknowledging that you are a human being and have an obligation to attend to your physical, emotional, and spiritual maintenance, on a daily basis.


自我照顧者必須能承認自己是人,義務是每天注意個人的生理、情緒,並維護良好精神狀態。


The more you desire to achieve in this lifetime, the more meaningful and consistent your self-care plan should be.


你在此生中愈渴望達成某些目標,個人的自我照顧計畫就愈有意義以及且愈符合個人需求。


According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 19 percent of adults in America struggle with anxiety. Rates of anxiety are elevated among high achievers because they view their success as a personal obligation. Outwardly, everything appears to be fine. Inwardly, many struggle to maintain a feeling of peace.


美國國家心裡衛生研究院的資料顯示,百分之十九的美國成年人口努力與焦慮奮戰。高成就者因為視成功為其責任與義務,焦慮的程度更高。表面上一切都很好,內在則有許多掙扎,竭盡全力尋求平靜的感受。


The following suggestions can help high achievers create a self-care maintenance plan that will sustain performance for the long haul and ensure you are adequately fueled with energy to face the joys and challenges of life with equal tenacity.


下列建議可以協助高成就者設計自我照顧維護計畫 (self-care maintenance plan),用以維持長期表現,並確保能夠得到適當的能量補給,以同樣的堅韌面對生活中的樂趣和挑戰。


Accept that self-care requires time to nurture yourself

Time will not gift wrap itself and wait patiently on your doorstep. Resolve to carve out time each day to center yourself using tools that make sense to you. I enjoy starting and ending my day with the ritual of emptying. Give it a try by lighting a small candle (an electric one is fine also) and releasing your worries out loud. You don’t always need someone in the room to say what’s on your mind.


理解並接受自我照顧需要時間來培育個人

時間不會自己包裝禮物、耐心地在門前等待你。下定決心,每天用一些適用於自己的工具來集中注意力。我很享受用清空 (emptying) 作為開啟和結束一天的儀式。試試看,點一盞小蠟燭 (用電的也無彷) 來舒展開你的煩憂。不需要總是有個人在身旁叨念著你心裡掛念著什麼事。


Shore-up your protective factors

Protective factors are anything in our lives that shield us from the stress of life. They serve as the screen door in the middle of a winter storm. Protective factors can be friends, hobbies, pets, your attitude, work, family, and much more. Insulate your life by cultivating five or more of these factors. The good news is you can create them! Recently I began sewing again because I felt I needed one more activity in my life that offered total escape from the intensity of my work.


支持保健因子 (protective factors)

保健因子是保衛我們不受人生中壓力擊垮的任何事物,在冬季暴風雨中成為掩護的門板。保健因子可以是朋友、嗜好、寵物、態度、工作或其他更多選擇。培育五種以上的保健因子來隔絕你的生活與壓力,而且你可以創造自己的保健因子! 最近,我再次開始縫製東西,因為我感覺到自己需要在生活中注入新活動,讓我完全逃離工作的強度。


Plan for emotional derailments

It’s not a matter of if you’re going to fall off track, it’s a matter of when. This is a realistic, not a pessimistic point of view. You are better served making consistency a goal in your life resilience plan instead of perfection. Anxiety, depression, and sadness happen. Instead of fighting the reality, have a plan in place to bounce back quickly. One of my clients created a resilience plan that includes a phone call to a hilarious friend when she’s feeling down. She said, “I never burden her with my problems, we just spend a half hour or so cracking up and talking about old times. When I hang up the phone I’m refreshed by the energy and feel grounded.”


為了情緒的脫軌做準備

重點不是你會脫軌,而是什麼時候會發生。這非常符合現實,不是悲觀主意的觀點。焦慮、憂鬱和悲傷時時發生,最好在人生中制定一致性的目標與彈性計畫 (resilience plan),而非追求完美。制定一個快速恢復的計畫,而非與現實對抗。我的一位客戶制定了彈性計畫,當她覺得情緒低落時,就撥電話給一位滑稽的朋友。她說:「我從來不會拿我的問題煩她,而是花大概半小時跟她說笑、聊聊往日時光。掛掉電話時,我覺得充滿精力、很踏實。」


Get comfortable saying no to safeguard your mind, body, and spirit

Last year a colleague of mine said no to a request. It was a small favor, and she could have done if she really wanted to—I knew it and she did too. She was caring for herself and stated, “I’m just spent! I can’t do one more thing. I’m sorry. No.” I wasn’t happy about her response, and I got over it—reasonable people do.


舒坦地說「不」來防衛你的身心靈

去年我有一位同事拒絕了一個邀請。那是一個幫小忙的機會,如果她很願意也作的到,我們都明白。她在意自己的狀況,並且表明:「我已經瀕臨筋疲力竭的狀態! 沒辦法再處理任何一件事情,我很抱歉,無法答應你。」我對她的回應感到不快,但我克服了並與她恢復良好關係,這是理性的做法。


Oprah Winfrey says, "You can’t make it through life without disappointing some people." She’s right.


脫口秀主持人歐普拉 (Oprah Winfrey) 曾說過,「要成就人生,讓某些人失望是必須」,她是對的。


At the end of the day, it’s better that we disappoint a few people than sacrifice our mental health and well-being on the altar of high achievement.


在日落之時,比起犧牲自己的心理健康和喜樂在高成就的祭壇上,讓一些人失望使我們舒坦許多。


Resource: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/they-re-not-coming/202107/what-simone-biles-is-teaching-high-achievers

註1: Self-Care自我照顧

對衛生教育人員而言,自我照顧尚具有二個重要觀念:(1)一般大眾所擁有的自我照顧技能,這種技能是低限度必須使能獲得並維持健康;(2)自我照顧活動的目的在達到健康的理想狀態,此理想狀態是因個人的認知不同而不同。

延伸閱讀

當孩子過度追求完美 (2016-09)

https://www.parenting.com.tw/article/5083210


2021/04/11

[心理] 為什麼將自己100%投入工作不是個好主意?

為什麼將自己100%投入工作不是個好主意?

在工作中呈現「最好的你」而非「全部的你」。

 

「如果你在尋找能讓你全心全意投入、連結強烈的團隊公司

「我們歡迎各路人馬,且正在尋覓願意權力投入在工作的才子

「敝公司欣賞不同背景、經驗和觀點的人才-並鼓勵大家在工作中真實呈現自我。」

「我們在快速成長的商業背景中建立了有趣、好玩的人際互動環境,所有員工都能在這裡做最真的自己。」

 

這些是近年來知名公司的標語,反映出目前這些環境在尋覓人才的強力需求,也暗指公司的環境能夠激發出員工最好的一面。

 

這些文字在行銷端也許有效果,但請容我點出,若你想在工作達到良好表現或成為領導者,其中有著致命的錯誤。

 

我明白,已經有很長一段時間,人們必須隱藏真實身份使工作地點令人窒息。同性戀假裝自己是異性戀、女性被要求表現像男人、父母親假裝他們的孩子不存在或不重要,而年長的人-見鬼了,試著讓週邊的人以為自己的年紀還小一輪。這些都是有毒的、帶有歧視的,且同時削弱了員工的參與度與生產力。

Ps. 文中另含”Black people conforming to white norms.” 因篇幅關係未置入。

 

但老實說,工作場合不是你的歸屬,我認為我們只是在工作場合賺五斗米而已。所有能把工作快速且良好完成的特質,包含個人的工作與領導統御,都屬於工作場合;其它的待在家裡就行了。

 

「竭盡全力工作」如何造成事與願違的結果

以下範例為不歸屬於工作地點的個人屬性:

l   以同事為對象的性感受-不論時間長短,若發現同事對自己有性吸引力,任何人最好都保守祕密。

l   強烈的政治或宗教傾向-大多數人都有個人觀點和想法,不適合在工作場合挑戰彼此的意見。

l   個人恐懼與自我懷疑-與信任的少數同事分享工作上的焦慮當然沒問題,但要謹慎行事,過量可能損及形象與績效考核。如果身為領導者或經理人,過多的分享會損害團隊對你的信任,甚至是對整個公司的觀感。

l   感到無聊與懶惰-很多時候,工作很冗長、讓人覺得無聊或提不起勁,但畢竟是拿了薪水在工作,休息片刻再出發吧!

l   使用粗俗言語的習慣-這要視工作場域的文化而定,不過「咒罵的話」在大部分的專業場合都不適用,要學會自我檢視。

l   酗酒或使用其他藥物-除非你在非常特別的地方工作,否則別討論這個。

 

我試著用輕鬆的語氣描述,但這事實上一個非常嚴肅的議題。我曾經擔任過一些高階領導者的企業教練,他們把一些不適合的個人特質帶入工作場所,造成非常負面的後果。我想,雇主想讓大家都在工作中展現自我是一種欺騙性行為。

 

秘訣是,在工作場合展現最好的自己而非全貌,也鼓勵你的員工這麼做。這是和諧關係與高品質工作成果的關鍵,滿意度也會隨著工作順利完成而上升。


原文連結:https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/curating-your-life/202104/why-it-s-bad-idea-bring-your-whole-self-work